終於都捱唔住病了…

This last week has been a tremendous strain.  Work has been hectic but that’s normal, I can handle that.  It is when it comes to family, that I can’t split myself in half.  Over the years, I have always wondered why I am where I am now.  What led me down this path…   was I a mistake that shouldn’t have happened?  I have an older brother by eleven years, didn’t live with him since I was ten.  He went away for school to the east coast and never came back to live with us again.  Since I was able to have some intelligent thought, I have never liked him.  He’s a penny pinching, self righteous, greedy, selfish and a totally awful being.  Of course I can’t tell my parents that because he’s their only son.  Both mom and dad are ill now and he is still pressing for money, what the hell is wrong with him?  Just go get a job and concentrate on it!!  There aren’t many people I hate in life, just 3… I don’t want anything to do with them and one of them is my brother.  How laughable is that?  I am just fed up with him.  Pent up anger can really make a person sick.  I need to find a way out of this…

My cousin in law came to visit and asked my a question that had me thinking… is that what a “husband” is for?   Her question was… 表姐，點解你唔搵番個人同你分擔呢？ I just shook my head and smiled.  I have seen too many relationships go bad in my life.  It is just another emotional burden that I can’t seen to handle or want to handle.  (I know this is depressing, but just let me say my piece. )  Just let me live out this life as meaningful as I can.  Let me be…