As we go on daily with our routine, just how much do we take in stride? The things we push from our active minds to make life just a little bit easier and a little bit less exhausting. Some may say that I have denial issues and they are probably right. I don’t enjoy dwelling too deeply because once there, the black hole has enormous powers of goofing with my mind. Isn’t getting through the day tough enough already? Now, where is this leading? Well.. it’s death again actually.
I just heard last week that another friend had passed away after a long fight with cancer. Last year at this time, we all thought she had this evil beat but… it came back more deadly than ever. After eight months, she finally succumb to its poison. Linda, may you rest in peace. I will always remember your laughter and generosity of heart. Your love for life, family and friends are the beautiful memories you have brought to this world.
Now, I must be getting on with my years because the “numbers” of friends passing keep going up very year. I, vividly remember my first attendance of a funeral. I was eight years old and my brother took me along to a funeral (cremation) of his college friend. The news was huge at that time because he was a brilliant foreign student from Hong Kong and was found drowned in the University’s swimming pool. I recall standing in the cemetery and all of a sudden, a very distinct odor permeated the air. Someone told me that it was the cremation process. Till this day, that smell is what I associate with death. I had gotten so sick afterwards… For the longest time, I could not walk into a funeral or even go into a hospital without getting the jitters. Actually… I can’t walk into a temple or a church without feeling uneasy. So, unless I absolutely have to… I don’t. It’s not that I don’t want to pay my last respects but the uneasiness will stay with me so long that I can hardly function. I need (very egotistical of me, I know) to remember the person as they were when they were healthy. That image has to supersede all else. I cannot deal with that last impression of death especially if illness or accident has taken the life out and completely changed the appearance of the individual. It’s just my coping mechanism… please forgive me.
